Being the mom of a teenager can be tough. But how is it for the teenager herself? Who might show she is cool but how is she really feeling? Also, what can parents of young kids learn from talking to parents of older kids? Let's find out!
Bade Bacche
Mere ek dost ke wife ne mujhe aaj call kiya. Aur bola ke bahut problem hai: mera relationship meri beti ke saath sahi nahin hai. Ab woh 13 saal ki ho gayi hai. Mujhe bahut chinta ho rahi hai.
To maine poocha ke kya hua?
To usne bola ke hum ek doosre se 1-2 line se zyada baat hi nahin kar paate. Chila dete hai. Woh thoda ooncha baat karti hai aur phir mere se bilkul control nahin hota. Mera paara hi ho jaata hai. Mein bhi chila deti hoon. Aur yeh har roz ho raha hai.
Jab maine podcast shuru kiya tha to maine socha tha ke bade bachon par mein podcast nahin banaoonga. Lekin ab lagta hai ke agar chote bachon ke baare mein seekhna hai to bade bachon ki baat karni padegi. Varna hamari parenting sahi ho rahi hai ke nahin yeh pata karne ke liye to apne bachon ke bada hone ka wait karna padega.
Aap ek curious parent hai aur agle 5 min hum bade bachon ke baare mein baat karenge?
To mere dost ke wife ne kaha ke mein trigger ho jaati hoon. Jaise ke meri beti tennis khel ke aayi to uska racquet bahar hi pada hai. Maine ek baar bola ke ander rakh do, nahin hua, phir ek ghante ke baad bola phir se. Phir dekha to racquet ander chala gaya hai lekin uska cover bahar hi hai. Ab mein kya karoon aise case mein. Chilaoon nahin to kya karoon.
Raat ke 9 baj rahe hai. Woh room pe baith ke iPad dekh rahi hai. Kissi dost se baat kare jaa rahi hai, gaane sun rahi hai. Aur mujhe pata hai usne homework nahin khatam kiya hai. Mein poochti hoon to sunne ko milta hai ke mujhe music sun ne do, aap darwaza band kar do.
To maine pucha ke, aapki beti is baare mein kya bolti hai?
To meri friend ne kaha woh bolti hai ke mummy aap hamesha daantne mein lagi rehti ho. Aapko meri har baat galat hi lagti hai. Aur mein jabb apke pass aati hoon homework ke liye to aap pehle taana kyon deti ho. Khali meri madad nahin kar sakti? To ispe bhi hamara jhagra ho jaata hai.
Phir meri dost ne ek point bataya jo ke imp hai. Jo ke batata hai ke relationship ma aur beti ka abhi bhi strong hai. The mother said ke: Aur woh aur kissi se aise baat nahin kar rahi, apne doston se aachey se baat karti hai, bass khali mere se hi chila ke baat kar rahi hai.
Yeh important isliye hai kyonki yehi ek relationship hai jo ki teenager ko itna safe lagta hai ke is relationship mein chilaya jaa sakta hai. Agar woh doston pe chilayegi to woh bhaag jayenge. Lekin usko pata hai ke mummy kahin nahin jayegi.
To maine poocha ke to aapne kya kiya abhi tak?
To usne bataya ke maine ek change kiya hai, ke jabb bhi chilane ka mahual ban jaata hai to mein chali jaati hoon wahan se. Taaki mein chillaoon na beti par.
Yeh actually ek aacha tareeka hai situation ko temporary control karne ka. Important tareeka hai to prevent further damage to relationship but isse relationship theek nahin hoga. To theek kaise hoga?
Woh jaan ne ke liye zarrori hai hum ek teenager ko samajte.
Hamara brain mein khali do baar extreme development hota hai. Pehla 2 saal ki umar mein hota hai aur doosra adolescence mein matlab around 12 saal ki umar mein. Inko critical periods kehte hai.
To adolescence aane pe the expectation of the parent should be ke waapis terrible two’s ka period aayega. Waise hi harkatein jo bacha karta tha tab, waise ab karega. Bass is baar harketein cute nahin hai.
Child psychotherapist Nupur Paiva, jo ke thefamilytree clinic ki founder hai, unka kehna hai ke
is time pe bachey apne doston ko parents se zyada prefer karne lagte hai. Jab bacha 6 saal ka hota hia to woh parents se physically separate hone lagta hai, doosron ke saath khelne lagta hai lekin mann se mata pita ke saath jura hota hia.
Lekin12 saal ke umar mein yeh man ka connection ab doston ki taraf aur khud ke taraf hone lagta hai. Isliye bachey apne baare mein, apni zindagi ke baare mein zyada fikr karne lagte hai. Aur button dhoondne lagte hai jisko daba ke maa baap utejit ho jayein.
Bachey ki aakhon se dekhin to unki body mein bahut saare hormonal changes ho rahe hai. Leading to up and down in emotions. Parents ko bachon ki baaton se shock lagta hai lekin sach to yeh hia ke bacha bhi shock mein hai, because they can’t recognize themselves.
Aur jaise ke hum baat kar rahe the ke agar woh aapse argue kar paa rahe hai, then it’s a sign of trust. It’s a good sign.
Ab agar bachon mein itna change aa raha hai to maa baap ko bhi change lana hoga. To hum as parents kya kar sakte hai?
Chaliye waapis meri friend ke paas chalte hai. Maine apni friend se poocha ke aapne apne beti ko batayi hai apni feelings? Ke aap ko kaisa feel ho raha hai? To usne bola nahin.
To yeh hamara pehla kadam hai, ke hum apne bachey se baith ke, uska haath pakad ke, aankh mein aankh daal ke yeh bol sakein ke mujhe aacha nahin lagta ke hamari ladayi hoti hai. Mujhe bahut dukh hota hai. Isiliye mein badalne ki koshish kar rahi hoon, jab mujhe gussa aata hai to doosre room mein chali jaati hoon taaki tum pe chilaaoon na. Mere liye hamara relationship bahut imp hai aur I am sorry kyonki mere karan tumhara dil dukha hai.
Yeh baat bachey ko pata honi zaroori hai, that my mom loves me and she cares.
Bina kissi ‘BUT’ ke. Yeh nahin kehna ke mein chilati hoon kyonki tum aise behave karti ho. Humein sirf apne behaviour ke baare mein baat karni hai.
Ab doosri baat hai apna behaviour change karne ki. To yeh mushkil kaam hai. Aasaan nahin hia. Isko karne ke kayi tareeke hai lekin sabmein samey aur effort lagta hai. Mereko personally meditation se bahut faayda hua hai to think about things from the other person’s perspective. Agar aap meditation nahin karte to bilkul try kijiye, app se kar lijiye, vipassana kar lijiye, art of living kar lijiye ya Isha Foundation ka inner engineering ka course kar lijiye. Lekin shuru kijiye,
Teesra ek cheez jo hum khud se kar sakte hai woh yeh hai ke hum baith ke apne dimaag mein jo situation humein trigger karti hai usko baar baar soch sakte hai. Aur sochte hue gussa hone ki jagah imagine kar sakte hai ke hum kya sahi cheez bolenge, kya karenge. Is se what we are trying to do is develop new neural pathway. Hamara brain ek tarah se set hai, usko doosri tareeke se sochne pe baar baar mazboor karne se actual situation ko hum better handle kar paate hai. Yeh aap immediately kar sakte hai.
Chautha apne bachey ko samjein ke woh bhi struggle kar raha hai. Bahut saari cheezon ko jaane dein - tennis ke racquet se zyada zaroori aapki relationship hai bache ke saath. Baat bachey se tab karein jab woh aachey se so ke, kha ke baitha hai to success ka chance zyada hai. Aur finally agar woh kuch keh raha hai to usko interrupt na karein. Woh koi aise cheezein bol sakte hai jo aapko pasand na ho but bolne dijiye, unki ander ki feelings nikalne dijiye.
Maine apni friend se poocha ke kya aap dono neechey kabhi ikathe walk ke liye jaate ho. Woh boli ke maine poocha tha to meri beti boli ke mein jaaoongi lekin alag se chaloongi. To meri friend ne mana kar diya.
Mere khayaal se yeh walk zaroori hai. Aaj beti thoda alag chalegi lekin ek mahine mein saath mein bhi chal sakti hai. Ek baar usko experience ho gaya ke meri mom bhi cool hai. Lekin uske liye shuruwat zaroori hai.
Aap ek curious parent hai. Aapne mere saath apne bachon ke liye paanch min bitaye, iske liye mein aapka shukrguzaar hoon.
Phir Milenge
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