Kutta ya Billi | How should we talk to our kids?
“We want to raise our kids like dogs”
Hum apne bache ko kutton ki tarah paalna chahate hai.
Yeh woh line thi jiske karan mera parenting aur bachon ko samajne mein interest shuru hua. Yeh line kahi the AS Neil ne jo ke Summerhill school ke founder hai. Summerhill school Britain ka 100 saal purana free school hai. Aisa school jahan bachey apne man se padtey hai jo unka dil ho.
AS Neil ne kaha ke zyadatar parents apne bachon ke saath waise hi vyahawaar karte hai jaise ke dogs ke saath karte hai. Idher aao, baith jao, khana khao. Parr hamara aspiration hona chahiye ke hamare bachey billi ki tarah bane. Khud se khush rahe aur jo man mein ho waisa karein.
Mujhe nahin pata ke aap is baat se agree karte hai ke nahin. Lekin is baat se mein agree karta hoon ke hum mein se bahut saare logon ka bachey ki karaf nazariya respect ka nahin hai.
Hum bachon se bade hai isliye hum bachey ko dogs ki tarah order de sakte hai. Baith jao, Toys jagah pe rakho, khana theek se khao. Jacket pehno chalo. Come here, brush your teeth.
To aisa order dene ka nuksaan kya hai. Sonya Philip jo ke Learning Mindsets ki founder hai, she says jab hum aise command de ke bachon se baat karte hai to unke paas do option bach jaate hai
Aur harr human ka natural reaction hai push back karna. Kissi ko ‘controlled’ feel hona aacha nahin lagta. To order waali language use karke hum almost bachon ko invite kar rahe hai hamara kehna na maan ne ke liye.
Aur harr human ka natural reaction hai push back karna. Kissi ko ‘controlled’ feel hona aacha nahin lagta. To order waali language use karke hum almost bachon ko invite kar rahe hai hamara kehna na maan ne ke liye.
Isko change karne ka tareeka bahut simple hai. Humein sirf apne ‘order’ ko ‘fact’ mein badalna hai. Waise baat karni hai jaise hum kissi se karenge jiski hum equally respect karte hai.
- Yeh kehne ki jagah ke ‘jacket pehno’ hum keh sakte hai ‘bahar thand hai. jacket will keep you warm’
- Yeh kehne ki jagah ‘chalo khana khao’ hum keh sakte hai ‘it’s food time, we are all going to start eating’
- Yeh kehne ki jagah ‘brush karo’ hum keh sakte hai ‘germs are hiding in your teeth. let’s take them out’
- Yeh kehne ki jagah ke ‘apne toys uthao’ hum keh sakte hai ke ‘toys belong on the shelves’
Yeh ek simple change hai ‘order’ ko ‘fact’ mein badalne ka jo hamara relationship hamare bachon ke saath badal sakta hai. Aap pooch sakte hai ke lekin itna sab karne ki kya zaroorat hai? Pehle hi zindagi nahin sambhal rahi ab yeh dhayaan rakho.
To jaane se pehle mein aapko ek true story suna deta hoon jo Glennon Doyle ne apne famous novel Untamed mein likhi thi.
Unka beta jab 13 saal ka hua to unhone usko mobile phone allow kiya. And Glennon ne kaha ke agle 2 saal mein usne apni aakhon ke saamne dekha apne bete ko us mobile ke ander jaate hue. Woh ladka jo baith ke desk par poems likhta hai, bahar khelne jaata tha ab online duniya mein busy tha.
Unhein 2 saal lage apne bete se baat karne mein. Ek din unhone apne bete ko saath mein walk karne ke liye kaha. Aur walk pe unhone bete ko bola ke aaj tak maine jo bhi kiya hai yeh soch ke kiya hai ke mujhe tumhare liye sahi karna hai. Lekin pichley 2 saal se mujhe lag raha hai ke mein galat kar rahi hoon. Phone aane ke karan tum change ho gaye ho. Aur mujhe tumse phone waapis lete hue dar lagta hai kyonki tumhare saare doston ke pass phone hai. Lekin mujhe yeh bhi lagta hai ke phone pe kamm time bitana zarrori hai. I know ke long term mein yeh tumhare liye sahi hai. Uska beta thodi der chup raha phir bola - mom maine pada hai ke phone ke karan depression bad raha hai bachon mein. Aur bahut saare artist phone use karna chor rahe hai taaki woh apne kaam pe focus kar sakein. Mujhe bhi lagta hai ke yeh phone mujhe control kar raha hai.
Yeh baat hone ke baad dono ne decide kiya social media chorna - ikathe.
Yeh kahani phone ki ya social media ki nahin hai. Yeh kahani hai ke ma ne bachey ko yeh nahin bola - tum phone pe chipkey rehte hai, band karo use karna. Usne baat ki aur bete ne samjhi.
Aaj bachon ko hamari baat sun ni pad rahi hai. Kall ko woh bada ho jayega to woh aapki baat tabhi sunega agar woh sunna chahate ho. Tab hum order to de nahin payenge lekin pehle agar fact based baat karte aaye ho to conversation zaroor kar lenge, jaise Glennon ne ki.
Bachon ko dogs ke tarah bada karna hia ya billiyon ki tarah yeh hum aaj decide kar sakte hai. Fact based conversation kar ke apne bachon se.
Mera naam Harpeet hai. Aapne mere saath apne bachon ke liye 5 min bitaye iske liye mein aapka sukhrguzaar hoon. Phir milenge.
