Is your child afraid of something? Why do we fears? What is the evolutionary need for a fears? How can we help our child overcome whatever fears they have. Let’s chat about that.
Hamare Darr
Mera naam Harpreet hai aur hum agle 5 min bacchon k baare mein baat karenge.
Aapne yeh scene kaafi baar dekha hoga. Shayad aapke saath bhi hua ho.
Ek bacha sadak pe ek street dog ko haath lagana chahata hai lekin mata ya pita bolte hai, mat karo. Mat haath lagao. Kaat lega.
Mujhe is jagah pe ek experiment karna bahut aacha lagta hai. Jab bhi mein kissi se milta hai jisko kutte ya billiyon se dar lagta hai, to mein unse poochta hoon. Aapko yeh dar kyon lagta hai? Kuch log, maaniye 10 mein se 2 iska jawaab dete hai ke chote hote unke peechye kutta pad gaya tha, tab se woh darte hai. Lekin sabse zyada logon ka jawab hota hai ke unhein nahin pata.
To mein unse thodi aur baat karta hai. Aur mein poochta hu ke kya aapke mata pita mein se kissi ko kutte billiyon se dar lagta hai? To phat jawab aata hai. Haan. Haan meri mummy ko darr lagta hai.
To aapko dar kyon lagta hai?
Sirf isliye kyonki jabb aap chote the to aapki mummy ne apna dar aapko de diya. Aur ab aap apna dar aage apne bachon ko de rahe ho. 100 saal pehle aapki naani ki mummy ko ek kutte ne kata tha, tabse naani ki mummy dar gayi, phir naani dar gayi, phir mummy dar gaye, phir aap dar gaye aur phir agar aapne na roka to aapke bachey bhi dar jayenge. Bina jaane kyon. Yeh sab jaane anjaane mein ho jaata hai.
Kuch kutte billiyon ke liye, kuch bahar khelne jaane ke liye, kuch spiders ke liye, chipkaliyon ke liye. Hum apna dar apne bachon ko pass kar dete hai.
Kabhi kabhi mein sochta hoon ke agar iska ulta ho jaaye to kitna sahi ho. Hum dekhein ke hamara bacha nahin dar raha kutte billiyon ko haath lagane se to hamara bhi bhai nikal jaaye, darr nikal jaye. Aur yeh possible sirf bachon ke saath reh kar hi hai kyonki woh har cheez ko ek khule man aur saaf nazariye se dekhte hai. Jisse hum seekh sakte hai!
Kabhi kabhi hum kissi cheez se nahin darte lekin hum bachon ko dara dete hai. Jaise andhere se. Hum bolte hai raat ko ke so jao varna light band kar doonga, bhoot aa jayega. Chote bachon ke man pe is baat ka asar padta hai, aur woh shayad zindagi bhar ke liye andhere se darr jaata hai. Bachey ko 10 min jaldi sulane ke liye yeh bahut bada moolya hai.
Yeh bachpan ke darr bewajah hote hai aur inhe nikalne mein samay lag jaata hai. Sulane ke liye ek simple or behtar tareeka routine hai. Ek samay be bedroom mein jaana, takiya lagana, chadder rakhna, light dim karna, ek do teen chaar kitabein padna aur phir good night bol kar sona.
Agar hum ek routine follow karenge to bacha bhi uss se used to ho jayega aur humein andhere ke bhai ki zaroorat nahin padegi. Fears yaani Bhai, darr khali parents se nahin aate.
TV ek aur madhayam hai jahan se dar aa sakta hai. TV par bachey ne koi movie dekhi jismein police kissi ko maar rahi hai to bacha police se dar sakta hai. Mein khud police se darta tha. Aaj se kuch saal pehle tak agar traffic police waale ne mujhe rukne ka ishara kiya to mere haath pair thoda thoda kaampne lag jaate the. Thoda pasina aane lagta tha.
Isse hatane ke liye mujhe khud se lambi baat karni padi. Maine socha ke aisa kyon hai aur mein isko hatane ke liye kya kar sakta hoon. Ke agar maine kuch galat kiya nahin hai to mujhe kiss baat ka darr aur agar kiya bhi hai to kya zyada se zyada challaan ho jayega. Yeh poori cheezein ant tak sochne se, saare ke saare results ko sochne se mera dar poora chala gaya.
Bhai hona, darr hona normal hai. Kaafi logon ko kissi na kissi cheezon ka bhai hota hai. Humein yeh koshish karni hai ke hum apne bachon ke kissi bhi dar ko badhawa na dein. Aur usmein koi bhi apna dar na aanein de. Hum darr ko aage jaane se rok sakte hai. Ulta ho sakta hai.
Bachey humein, badon ko hamare daron se mukt kar sakte hai. Dar ek emotion hai. Ek feeling hai jo humare mein isliye hai kyonki yeh humein surive karne mein madad karti hai. Humein dar lagta hai jab hamara brain kissi cheez ko khatarnaak percieve karta hai.
Hamare brain mein ek part hai jiska naam hai amygdala - woh humein signal deta hai ke dar jao. Agar humnein dhuaan smell kiya to woh signal deta hai ke dar jao. Phir jo hamara ek aur part hai brain ka jisse 'hippocampus aur prefrontal cortex' kehte hai, woh reality ko analyze karta hai - ke yeh smell kahan se aa rahi hai, kya koi badi aag lagi hai ya kissi ne bass cigratte fainki hai. Chote bachon mein yeh sab parts fully develop nahin hue hote.
Isliye bachon ko mushkil hoti hai samajne mein ke kaunse khatre asli hai aur kaunse nahin. Yahan hum bachon ki madad kar sakte hai. Yeh teen tareeke hai jisse hum unki madad kar sakte hai dar ke aage jaane mein - Sabse pehla step hai ke hum bachey ko khud se solution dhoondne de.
Kaafi baar bachey yeh kar lete hia. Isse 'self regulation' skill kehte hai. Agar jaan ka khatra nahin hai to humein fatafat bhagna nahin chahiye madad karne ke liye. Thoda intezaar karke hum dekh sakte hai ke shayad bacha khud hi aage nikal jaye. Yeh life skill hai. Matlab yeh skill zindagi mein zaroori hai, kyonki hamesha koi aur nahin hoga madad karne ke liye isliye yeh jitni jaldi bachey mein aaye utna aacha - Ab agar aisa hai ke bacha humein apne darr ke baare mein bata raha hai.
To hum kya karein?
Agar bachey ne humein apne darr ke baare mein bataya aur humne kahan arey isme darne ki kya baat hai. Ya hum hasne lage. Ya kaha ke aisa kuch nahin hota. To humnein bache ke darr ko nazarandaaz kar diya. Chahe hamein na lage lekin bachon ke liye darr asli hota hai.
Yeh kehne ki jagah ke darne ki koi baat nahin hai hum bachey ki baat thoda aur sun sakte hai. Yeh hamara doosra step hai. Bachey ke baat sunna. Ismein imp baat yeh hai ke hum darr ko aur bhadawa na dein. Aur uspe lambi baat cheet na karne baith jaayein. Usse bhi bachey ko lag sakta hai ke uska darr sahi tha. Humein utni hi baat karni hai jisse humein darr ke baare mein aur samaj aa jaye.
Agar bachey ko ek movie dekhne ke baad dar lag gaya hai to hum bachey se pooch sakte hai: kya aapko movie dekh ke dar laga gaya. Kya aapko lagta hai ke yeh jo hua woh aapke saath ho sakta hai? Yeh hum darr ko samaj rahe hai, badhava nahin de rahe. Agar usko kutton se dar lagta hai to hum pooch sakte hai, ke usko kyon darr lagta hai?
Aur samaj sakte hai. - Ab hum dar samaj chuke hai to ab humko simple plan banana hai jo hum bachey ke saath implement kar sakein. Agar bachey ko kutton se darr hai to hum pehle kissi chote friendly kutta jo ke bandha hua hia, usse shuru karenge. Uske pass baithenge, phir touch karenge. Dheere dheere kadam kadam aage badhenge. Humein as parents chota clear plan bana ke bachey ko dar se jitana hai.
Yeh sabb zaroori hai kyonki darr ke saath jeene ka kya matlab hai. Hum apna koi dar bachon ki na de. Aur Hamare bachey nidar ho, kissi bhi cheez ka confidence ke saath saamna kar sakein, yeh hum in choti choti baaton se ensure kar sakte hai. Sunikishit kar sakte hai.
Mera naam Harpreet hai. Aapne mere saath apne bachon ke liye paanch min bitaye iske liye mein aapka shukrguzaar hoon.
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